Text Messages to Rob Gronkowski
October 16, 2013 1 Comment
Rob Gronkowski is a (very large) human with a cell phone so I sent him some text messages.
Me: ’Sup, Gronk!
Gronk: yo yo yo!!!!!!!
Me: How’s the body holding up? You planning on coming back soon?
Gronk: haha, u no this kid is always ready to POUND bros on the field
Me: So… does that mean you’ll be back on Sunday?
Gronk: oh i’ll be back
Me: Perfect! I’ll plan on starting you for my fantasy team, I’ve literally been waiting all season.
Gronk: easy bro, Gronk never said he wuz playin. yo soy fiesta
Gronk: haha who is this? new phone
Me: Quick question.
Me: … I think you mean shoot? Or go ahead?
Gronk: the kid only knows how to score. score today, score tonight bro! haha
Me: Ok, nevermind. I just wanted to ask what exactly the injury is that you’re waiting so long on?
Me: Like, is it the forearm or the back? Or your ankle from a few seasons ago? Or is it just mental?
Me: Because everyone’s starting to think you’re healthy enough to play but you’re just sitting out for selfish reasons.
Gronk: Honesty? You want honesty?
Gronk: Honestly, I think you’re nothing.
Me: Please don’t.
Gronk: NOTHING BUT A PURE WASTE OF GOD-GIVEN TALENT.
Gronk: You don’t listen to nobody man. Not even Doc or Boone. Shiver push on the line every time and you blow right past ‘em. Push ‘em, pull ‘em. do something. You can’t run over everyone in this league and every time you do you leave one of your teammates hanging out to dry, me in particular?
Gronk: haha, Remember the Trojans sickest movie EVER
Gronk: srsly who is this? new phone
Me: You see the new reports on your situation?
Gronk: Gronk is the situation
Me: They’re saying you’re being overly cautious because of money issues, and that some of your teammates are doubting your commitment.
Me: And that you’re dominating in practice but refusing to play come game-day. What’s that about?
Gronk: booby kraft arleady told you, no one questions my passion. no comment
Me: But you just commented?
Me: Maybe you could cutdown on the partying for a while, man.
Me: Take a break. Just relax and spend a night in, watching a movie or something.
Gronk: yo soy fiesta
Gronk: is this you coach bill?